Secret Heaven
by MissMaryMalfoy
Summary: "...Her own imagination betrayed her once more, her mind slipping to the person she knew she was falling―hard and fast―for. She slipped and began to daydream, to satisfy her deepest cravings. She had no idea how to stop it―and it had to stop." Cousincest.


**Author's Note: This was written for lunalestrange4's Slash and/or Femslash Competition on the HPFC forum.**

**Lily Luna P./Lucy W.**

**Hope you like it!**

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><p>Secret Heaven<p>

Her whole life, Lily had been watched over, seen as one of the "little ones" of the Weasley-Potter family. She'd been picked on by her older cousins, then defended by someone who saw her―as always―as poor, defenseless Lily-Flower. Always protected, always out of one of James and Fred's pranks, always the victim, always an outsider.

It wasn't that she thought they didn't love her. In fact, it was far from that. Lily felt loved, especially by her Father, but it simply didn't seem... Enough, and she felt so selfish for feeling that way.

She saw Teddy, whom she saw as the best big brother there could be, and how he was completely and utterly happy with her cousin, Victoire, and she envied that. She envied that feeling of happiness, the blissful oblivion to all the pain there was out in the world, because she didn't have that. At least, not anymore. Not when she wasn't little Lily-Flower, Daddy's girl, that couldn't stop dreaming and smiling, anymore.

And how was that _fair_?

She still remembered, her Daddy telling her bedtime stories, kissing her Mom and telling them they were the two most beautiful girls he'd ever known. She even remembered how it felt, to hear she was important to him. But it seemed so far away, like another life.

Because that was the same Daddy that told her she would find someone one day, her Prince Charming, and fall hopelessly in love―after Daddy had a very serious talk with him first, of course―, just like her parents.

He hadn't told her how much it hurt, how disappointing it felt.

Love was supposed to be magical, beautiful. It was never supposed to be―to _feel_―this _wrong._

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><p>Lily was sitting alone in a compatment at Hogwarts Express at the end of her sixth year. Her friends had long ago left her to her thoughts, going to see some prank James had played on Rose's boyfriend, Scorpius Malfoy. But she didn't want to think―thinking brought on what's wrong and what's right, and that hurt―, so she was content with just looking out the window with glassy eyes and stop thinking about anything at all.<p>

Only it wasn't that easy.

From time to time, you could hear her cursing under her breath. That's because her own imagination betrayed her once more, her mind slipping to the person she knew she was falling―hard and fast―for. She slipped and began to daydream, to satisfy her deepest cravings. She had no idea how to stop it―and it _had_ to stop.

Lily was sixteen. Just two years ago she finally adimited it to herself―she didn't like boys. And she could live with that. Even though it wasn't like the Fairy Tails her Daddy used to tell her about, or that she would never find her _Prince_ Charming, she could live with that.

But right now... Right now, she felt such self-loathing she didn't know how to act anymore. And it just wasn't fair. What she was feeling―it was just so _wrong_. Her family would never understand that, and Lucy, her _cousin_, Lucy... She wouldn't forgive her for it.

But that didn't stop her from falling hopelessly, helpessly in love in an alarming speed. Not even the thought of Lucy never talking to her again, not loving her, stopped it. It just made things so much worse―and painful.

How could have she fallen for her _cousin_? Her freaking _best friend_ cousin?

It's just that Lucy was so―so _Lucy. _Unique. She was different, special; with her long, straight sandy blonde hair unlike any Weasley―even Victoire had large waves surrounding her strawberry blonde head―, that she had gotten from her mother's side of the family, or the small frame of a dancer, or her ability to sing like no one else―even her blue eyes were from a darker, deeper shade than the rest of the family.

Just the thought of her sent shivers down Lily's back, as if she could still feel Lucy's skin on hers, or her warm breath thouching Lily's neck when she was telling a secret or a privite joke.

And she felt so guilty, so ashamed, because that _shouldn't_ happen. Lucy was―and would ever be―untouchable, inappropriate―for Lily at least―, _related_.

Lily cursed again. There her mind went again, giving her thrills and then telling her it was wrong―disgusting. And then, suddenly, the door opened.

"Hey, Lils!" said a cheerful, careless voice.

_Oh, no. Shit. Just breathe, Lily._

"Hullo, Lu."

Lucy Weasley sat down, playing with hair―which was tied in a messy braid down to the end of her back. Her blue eyes sparkling happily as she looked up at Lily. "What are doing here all alone, miss Potter?"

Lily shrugged and looked out the window, making Lucy―for what had to be the hundredth time―think of how much she acted like her Godmother, Luna.

"Seriously, Lils. You're so quiet lately." Lucy nudged her cousin. "What's wrong?"

Lily just sighed and shook her head. "Nothing." she said after a long time. "Nothing, I'm fine."

She didn't believe it for a second, but, knowing her cousin like she did, Lucy thought it was better to let it go. "Are you going to tell them?"

For anyone else, that would be a extremely random question, but Lily knew exactly what she meant. Lu was her best friend, the one who knew all of her secrets, at least until this year. Lily would never hide something as big as her sexuallity from Lucy, and she knew her cousin would understand. But now, she had to tell her parents―the whole family, actually―what she had found out two years ago. Ginny was always wondering why she never had any boyfriends, and why she didn't care for girly things, and it just wasn't fair for her to keep lying and saying she didn't have time for that. She had to tell her parents―those two that had always dreamed of her marrying and having a big, happy family full of redhaired kids―that she was gay. "Yeah. I just don't know how."

Lucy smiled lightly at her. "They're not going to be mad, Lily. They love you a lot, you know."

"Yeah, I guess so."

_I just wish you did too._

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><p>A week later, Lily was sitting between James and Al at the round dinner table, facing her parents. James, as always, was being loud, and ended up bickering with Al once more.<p>

Her Mom, Ginny Potter, rolled her eyes and sighed as her Dad, Harry, laughed quietly. Usually, Mom would've already made the boys stop, but, as James wasn't screaming and swearing, and Al didn't seem so mad―and considering that was about the fifth fight her brothers had had just that night―, she seemed too tired to say anything.

Ginny had asked Lily about school that night again, discreetly―well, at least she _thought_ it was discreet―putting boys in the conversation too, trying to find out if Lily had finally set her eyes on someone, or even had a boyfriend.

And that's what pushed Lily to do it. She hated lying to her Mom, and she had promised she would come out this summer. She'd been trying to wait for the right time, but, turns out, there _is_ no right time to drop bombshell news like that one.

"Mom, Dad, I need to tell you something." she said quietly.

Even while looking down at her barely touched food, she could feel her parents' worried glances burning in her face.

"Yes?" he Dad invited her to continue, while her Mom told James and Albus to be quiet.

She gulped again. "I―" her mouth seemed to be completely dry at that moment, and she began panicking. _How am I supposed to tell them their little girl doesn't like boys?_

A small tear fell from her eyes to her untouched plate.

"Lily?" Mom said in a worried voice.

"I'm sorry," another tear fell and she sighed. _Get a hold of yourself, Lily Potter._ She took a deep breath. "I―I know that you keep wondering why I don't have a boyfriend, Mom. I know you're worried I don't have anyone."

"I don't―" Ginny started.

"It's okay, Mom." Lily cut in. "There's actually a reason." she took one more deep, shaky breath as James tried to get Al's attention from one side of the table, and Al rolled his eyes in a bored expression in the other. Finally, taking courage like the true Gryffindor she had to be, Lily looked up into her parent's eyes and said. "Mom, Dad, I―I'm gay."

Silence met her. Even James stopped gesturing and whistling to look at her with wide, shocked eyes.

"W-what?" Ginny said.

"I―" she looked down at her plate again. She should've known it was too wrong to feel the way she felt for them to accept it! Lucy was wrong, it wasn't normal. She couldn't even imagine what it would be like if they knew she loved her cousin.

And then, suddenly, she felt angry. So, so angry. It wasn't―It wasn't fair! Why did _she_ always have to be the one that did everything wrong? Did they not love her for who she was just because she like girls?

Lily looked up.

"I like girls, Mom. I like―_love_―girls, the way I should feel about boys." _and I'm in love with Lucy._

Lily's eyes filled with tears when still nobody talked. Not even a joke fell from James' lips, or a not-so-subtle tentative of changing subject from Al's.

"I just wanted you to know. I get it, you find it gross. You're ashamed of me." she said and got up. She started to walk towards the bathroom, suddenly feeling an urge to throw up.

"Lily." Ginny called. "I don't―I could _never_ be disgusted―or embarrased, for that matter―by you. If you don't know that―then I guess I didn't do a very good job raising you." she got up too, and stood just in front of Lily, putting a hand on her daughter's cheek. "I'm so proud of you, Lily. You are going to make someone very happy one day, and I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. It's a shock, yes, and it'll take a lot of getting used to―but I love you just the same."

Lily was then engulfed in a bone-crushing hug, and let herself sob lightly against her mother's chest. "Thank you."

"I do too. I love you―always and forever." she heard her dad say. "No matter how much you grow, Lily, you'll always be my little girl. Only now you're even smarter, and braver, and more beautiful. All grown up."

She almost didn't feel as her Dad and her brothers all came to put their arms around her and Ginny―just as they did when she _was_ little Lily-Flower.

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><p>When Lily woke up the next morning, earlier than anyone else for once, she found Lucy in the living room.<p>

"Lu!" the redhaired girl flung herself at her cousin's arms. "What are you doing here?"

Lucy smiled, making her eyes sparkle in silver―oh, how Lily loved the happy sparkle that never seemed to leave Lu's eyes. Her long hair was pulled back loosely by a dark blue ribbon―the same color as her beautiful eyes―and she was wearing her favorite worn out jeans and a black shirt that said 'I Know How To Annoy' in golden ink.

"Why do you ask? Not happy to see me, Lily-Flower?" Lucy mock pouted and Lily laughed at how ridiculous that question was―maybe a little more than it should, because, right now, every minute without Lucy, _her_ Lucy, felt like such a waste of her time―, hugging her even tighter. "Anyway, I missed you, Lils. I thought we could go to Elle's Nest today."

A radiant smile appeared in both girl's faces.

They had found Elle's Nest about ten years ago, when they were playing hide and seek with their cousins. Even then, Lily and Lucy, being the same age and the youngest of the Weasleys, were the best of friends. They decided to hide together, and ran to the forest behind the Burrow in a hurry. Not so far away from their Grandma's home, hidden by tall bushes that seemed to circle the whole area of the Elle's Nest like walls―except for a small passageway in which you had to crawl to get past―, was a small meadow, with one single big oat tree in it. There was also a wood made housetree, well hidden by the tree's leaves on the top of the Oat.

They had gone back there after that day, and fallen in love with that place, calling it Nest, for it was their safe place in the top of the world. Then, they found the name 'Elle' carved into the footer, hence the reason to call it Elle's Nest. Whoever Elle was, she'd never shown up, and they made the place theirs.

To this day, they didn't understand how no one had ever found that place. It was beautiful. Elle's Nest was their place to think, to play, to cry, to confort, to tell secrets, to just hang out. It was simply _their_ place, one that nobody else knew about, and they loved it like no other place in the whole world―even more than Horgwarts. It was_ theirs_ and it was special, magical.

"Yes!" Lily said. "Let me just change."

The short redheaded girl rushed up the stairs, putting on a light, silky, green summer dress, and came back down.

Lucy laughed. "Well, that was fast."

They apparated into the Burrow, greeting their Grandmother―who was the only one awake at seven o'clock in the morning, and making breakfast―swiftly, and ran out to their place.

Elle's Nest was just as beautiful as always, the sunlight penetrating through the tall trees' leaves. Lily sighed happily, as if just being there lifted all the weight from her shoulders. The weight that hadn't left her even after she told her parents she was gay, as she still didn't know how to act around Lucy―because this was _their_ place, and there was no way anything could ever change or ruin that. She _couldn't_ act wrong here.

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><p>"Lils?"<p>

"Humm?"

They were spread around the grass in the Elle's Nest's Meadow, lying with their heads side by side, hair touching the other's shoulder, letting the soft rays of sunlight caress their bodies. It was now afternoon, and the two girl had only left their place to eat Lunch with their Grandparents. Lily turned her head to look at Lucy, propping her head on her hand, shifting her weight to her elbow.

"In the train," Lucy started, looking up to the sky while avoiding Lily's eyes carefully. "I was going to talk to you about something. You―You seem so sad lately, Lily. You're acting weird, like you're hidding something from me, or avoiding me or something. I don't like it." she sighed as Lily began to protest, making her quiet down again. "But... I let it go, thought it was just that you were nervous with the whole 'telling the parents' thing. Only, you didn't say anything about that to me until this morning, when, you know, before, you would've flooed me right away to tell me how it had gone." she stopped and, finally turned to Lily, her eyes were shinning again, only this time they were sad, filled with tears. "I miss you Lily. I don't want to lose you."

It was just a whisper, but Lily heard it, and it broke her heart. It broke her because, one way or another, they would lose what they had. It would never be the same, for Lily wouldn't be able to look at Lucy without wanting her, needing her, or touch her without craving for much more than they would ever have. It would hurt so, so much to be with Lucy, because, being as beautiful as she was, she would fall in love with somebody else, and built a family, and Lily wouldn't be able to do anything but watch. She wouldn't be able to talk to Lucy about everything, like they used to and there would be so many secrets, so many hurtful things left unsaid.

"I'm sorry." Lily whispered back. She couldn't think of anything else to say. There was no solution, no way she could ever tell Lucy why she was pulling away, why she felt so sad. There was no promise that could be made, because there was no point in making a promise she knew she would break.

The tears that had filled Lu's eyes finally fell, and Lily felt like a gash had been opened in her chest. _This_ was everything she'd never wanted, why she had been pulling away. She couldn't bear to hurt Lucy.

"You're sorry?" Lucy said angrily. "Saying sorry doesn't change anything, Lily. It doesn't bring you back. Haven't you even missed me?"

"How can you say that, Lu? Of course I've missed you. Every minute I spend without you feels like hours, but―but I just―" Lily sighed in frustration, tears of her own building up in her eyes. "I just _can't_. I'm going to screw everything up, Lucy, and I don't want that. I _can't_ mess us up."

They were both sitting in front of each other now, so close Lily could almost feel the warmth of Lucy's skin of her own, and she wanted nothing more than to reach out to her. But that just showed her how screwed up thing _already_ were.

"Then why are you pulling away from me?" Lucy yelled, holding Lily's head in her hands.

"Because―" Lucy was so close, so close, so close. "Because―" _so close, so close, so close._

Lily couldn't think. She was too close, much too close, and maybe that's why she did what she did next.

In a desperate movement, Lily grabbed Lucy dazzling face, cupping her cheeks, and kissed her full on the mouth, closing her eyes harshly.

Then, she realized what she was doing and pulled away, her brown eyes as wide as they could ever be. "I―I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Lucy just stared at her, which was a really, really bad sign, for in all of her life, Lily had hardly ever seen her cousin speechless, and it always meant she was too shocked, or too mad, or too uncomfortable.

She started to get up, but Lucy held her down, as if she had snapped out of a transe.

"W-why did you just do that?" she asked in a husky, very un-Lucy-like voice.

Lily averted her eyes, some tears still falling from them. "I'm so sorry, Lu." she whispered. "I'm sorry I've been pulling away too, but I just couldn't let _this_ happen. Merlin, I'm such a mess." she laughed bitterly. "I―I love you, okay? I'm in love with my own cousin, and I just don't know how to deal with that."

Lucy's eyes widened. "You―you're in love with me?"

"Yes." it was yet another soft, barely audible whisper. "Look, I know you don't feel―"

Lily was cut off by Lucy's lips crashing agaisnt her own. They were warm and soft, just as the feel of love itself, and ten times better than she'd ever imagine. It wasn't just a desperate close-mouthed kiss like Lily's, it was much more than that. It was curious and unsure, but also deep and passionate. In the rush of the moment.

Lily's hands tangled in Lucy's smooth, straight hair, which had so many times tempted her to run her hands through it, and she felt hands on the small of her back, bringing her even closer. They were both on their knees now, and their bodies touched in every way they could.

After what felt like several blissful hours, but also way too soon, Lucy pulled away to look at Lily, smiling brightly at her. And, finally, for once in her life, she envied nobody else. This was the perfect moment. This was their place. And this was Lucy. Just Lucy and Lily, because in Elle's Nest, they had no labels, no one to tell them how wrong what they were feeling was.

And right now, seeing Lucy's shy, unsure, yet happy―whitout a slightest hint of regret―smile, it didn't feel wrong.

It felt like nothing else in the world could ever be this perfect.

Lily felt a hand slid inside hers, intertwining their fingers. "I think I love you too."

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><p><strong>The End! Hope you liked it.<strong>

**Please comment!**

**-Ginny.**


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